Zvonko Maković

хорватский

Mario Suško

английский

Tragovi

kad je rekao bezvoljnost, znao je da je to nešto
što ga se ovog časa nije ticalo.
pitao se zašto je izgovorio tu riječ
i drugo pitanje koje je postavio
odnosilo se na riječ
nešto iz prve rečenice.
riječ nešto još je više udaljavala od riječi bezvoljnost
koja mu se, tog časa, činila stranom.
pitao se
čemu uopćavanje,
čemu to nešto,
zašto nije izrekao neku drugu riječ
na koju bi se bezvoljnost primjereno mogla osloniti,
koja bi je objasnila.
neka druga riječ iz prethodne rečenice,
još je više u općenitost,
mislio je i nastojao to glasno izreći.
bezvoljnost je nešto što se
njega ticalo,
nešto što ga se nekoć ticalo i
nešto što ga se ipak ticalo onog časa kad je
izgovorio tu riječ.
nastojao se sjetiti nečega uz što bi vezao rieč bezvoljnost
i što ga se nekoć ticalo.
nekoć i jest i nije pripadalo njemu,
mislio je i to izgovorio u trećem licu jednine.
nekoć nije pripadalo njemu,
već nekom drugom koji je to treće lice jednine.
sjetio se nekoga na koga bi se moglo odnositi nešto
što bi se zvalo bezvoljnost.
kad je pomislio na toga, pomislio je nije li se njega
sjetio samo zato što on odgovara tipu bezvoljnika,
tipu iz rječnika sa slikama u kojemu su nacrtane
figure i ispod toga ispisane riječi.
figura bezvoljnika bila bi fotografija onoga i
riječ bezvoljnost bila bi pisana velikim početnim slovom.
pitao se
nije li nekoć vidio rječnik sličan ovome i,
ako ga je vidio,
je li u njemu bila riječ BEZVOLJNOST.
nije mogao pouzdano tvrditi da je nekoć vidio
rječnik u kojemu je ispod sličice bila
ispisana riječ BEZVOLJNOST.
nije mogao pouzdano tvrditi da je osoba,
na koju je pomislio onda kad je glasno
izgovorio rečenicu nekoć i jest i nije pripadalo njemu
ista osoba na koju sada pomišlja
i zamišlja njezino lice u rječniku sa slikama.
nije sasvim pouzdano mogao tvrditi
da se ijednoj osobi na koju sada pomišlja
može nalijepiti etiketa «bezvoljnost».
nije sasvim pouzdano mogao tvrditi
da sada pomišlja na ijednu osobu
koju bi mogao detaljnije opisati,
i kojoj bi išta namijenio pa da, sjetivši je se,
ustvrdi nekoć i jest i nije pripadalo njemu.
«nekoć i jest i nije pripadalo njemu» samo je
rećenica do koje je došao razgrađujući
riječ BEZVOLJNOST.
riječ «bezvoljnost» samo je «nešto» što ga se ovog
časa nije ticalo.

© Zvonko Maković
Из: Strah
Аудиопроизводство: 2006, Literaturwerkstatt Berlin

Prints

when he said listlessness, he knew it was something
he was not concerned with that moment,
he asked himself why he had uttered that word,
and the second question he raised
referred to the word
something in the first sentence.
the word something was even farther away from listlessness
which, at that moment, seemed unknown to him.
he asked himself
whatfor this generalization,
this something.
why he didn't use another word
which listlessness could rely on adequately,
explain it.
another word from the preceding sentence
sounded even more generalized,
he thought and tried to say that out loud.
listlessness was something
that concerned him.
something that once had concerned him and
something that still concerned him
at the moment he uttered that word.
he tried to remember something he could connect
listlessness to, something that once concerned him.
once did and did not belong to him,
he thought and said it using the third person singular.
once did not belong to him
but someone else that was the third person singular.
he remembered someone this something
called listlessness could relate to.
when he thought of him, he mused whether he remembered
him only because he related to those listless characters
from an illustrated dictionary, with figures
drawn and the words written underneath.
the figure of a listless man would be his picture
and the word listlessness written with capital letters.
he asked himself
whether he had already seen a similar dictionary,
and, if he had,
whether it contained the word LISTLESSNESS.
he couldn't maintain he had seen
a dictionary with a little picture
and the word LISTLESSNESS written underneath.
he couldn't maintain that the person
he thought of when he had said out loud
the sentence once it both did and did not belong to him
was the same person he thought of now
and imagined his face in the illustrated dictionary.
he couldn't maintain that any person
he thought of now could be marked
with a label "listlessness."
he couldn't truly maintain
he was now thinking of anybody
he could describe in more detail
and to whom he could have left anything to ascertain,
upon remembering, once it both did and did not belong to him.
"once it both did and did not belong to him" is
just a sentence which he arrived at
decomposing the word LISTLESSNESS.
the word "listlessness" was only "something"
he was not concerned with at that moment.

Translated by Mario Suško