Nina Živančević
inglés
POSETA BLEJKOVOj KUĆI
Napisali su debele tomove o Alenovoj poeziji,
Najposle, on se uvek odnosio prema svome delu - odgovorno,
Samo mi je jednom rekao “sramota, ipak su te uhvatili”,
Ali ko su to bili “oni”, nikada mi otkrio nije...
Verovatno je mislio na baba-roge kapatilazma,
Pa ipak, govorio mi je puno toga, ponekad bih u mislima
Otplovila daleko, ne slušajući ga, a ponekad bih utonula u san...
I verovatno bih uvek odgonetnula smisao njegovih reči
iako je to uvek bilo “verovatno” a ja samo ono “bih uvek”, biće
koje je želelo da promeni svoj život, taj život koji je
ličio na Beketov ili Džojsov, skrparen na tri različita jezika,
koji je uveliko gubio na suštini
priklanjajući se često baba-rogama novca i trenutka.
I dogodilo se upravo ono “verovatno” da sam nastavila da pisem
i širim mucavu reč nalik Gertrudi Stajn, a nisam bila čak ni “amerikanka u Parizu”, već prosto- ko što reče Alen- “luda žena iz Istočne Evrope u Njujorku, slična Naomi, napuštena od sviju, prepuštena sopstvenom ludilu.”
Medjutim, beše tu Piter, koji je nastavljao porodičnu tradiciju, An i Stiv i Bob koji su čuvali plamen da se ne ugasi,
prisutni na pogrebu,
a zatim svi ti lešinari, tipovi koji nikada nisu ni pročitali Suncokretovu sutru,
Predskazanje iz samoposluge, Vičitu, Vorteks i ostale sutre,
žalili su Alena, koji me je tapšao po stomaku tri meseca pred porodjaj...
Videla sam ga samo još jednom nakon toga išli smo u bioskop
i tad mi reče koliko žali što nema decu,
“mi, Istočni Evropljani se jako brzo kapiramo”, rekao je.
Medjutim, beše tu Piter, koji je nastavljao porodičnu tradiciju, An i Stiv
i Bob koji su čuvali plamen da se ne ugasi, prisutni na pogrebu,
pa ipak, nikada nije imao decu...
Mi, Istočni Evropljani se jako brzo kapiramo, rekao je.
Isuviše brzo mislimo, eto, to je to- dodao je, kad sam bila mlada.
Ali bili smo na meskalinu i podrazumevalo se da mislimo brzo—
Nista , baš ništa nije ni suvise ružno u životu, ni suviše lepo,
To nisam rekao ja, reče Ginzi, već veliki lama, Dudjom Rinpoše, a ja
Sam se smejala i kikotala, sve dok nije rekao
“Neću više da gledam tvoje tužno lice”!
A najviše je voleo onaj Blejkov stih “Bože, što si me načinio
toliko različitim od drugih, Gospode,
što si me načinio pesnikom?”
Producción de Audio: Radio Belgrade 2
A VISIT TO BLAKE’S HOUSE
They wrote hefty volumes on Allen’s poetry
After all, he took himself quite seriously
Just once, he said, “it’s a shame, they’ve got you”,
But who were “they” he did not say…
He probably meant – the gargoyles of capitalism,
But he said so many things. and sometimes
I would drift away, and sometimes I would fall asleep…
And I would probably always outguess what he meant
but it was just “probably” and I was just a “would”
who wanted to change her life, living like
Beckett after Joyce, tinkering with three languages to
Write in, losing the essence biiiig way
Obeying the gargoyles of money and place biiig time,
And it was just “probably” that I would write and earn my credit
Like Gertrude Stein, as I was not
An American in Paris, as I was just- like Allen had mentioned
Before “A crazy Eastern European, in New York, somewhat like
Naomi totally left alone, to her own madness….”
Then Peter, repeating the family pattern, Anne and Steve
And Bob keeping a tiny flame, a hope
Their presence at the wake
And then the vultures, people who never read the Sunflower sutra
The supermarket oracle the Wichita the Vortex, the Sutras
Allen patting my belly three months before I delivered my baby
I saw him only once after that we saw a movie
He regretted for not having children,
Then Peter, repeating the family pattern, Anne and Steve
And Bob keeping a tiny flame, a hope
Their presence at the wake
But he had no children
We, Eastern Europeans understand each other quickly, he said,
We think too fast, of course Allen said to mini- me
But we are on mescaline and we’re supposed to think fast—
Nothing, just nothing is too horrible or too beautiful
Whatever it appears to be, it’s not me, Ginzy said, but
Dudjom Rinpoche, and I kept laughing and laughing
“I don’t want to see you sad face anymore”, he added.
He loved that old Blake’s “O, Lo’ why did you make
me so different from the rest of the world, good Lo’,
why have I become a poet?”