Eugene Ostashevsky

DJ Spinoza Does Not Fight the Begriffon

Language: english

Translations: italian (DJ Spinoza non combatte il Begriffo), german (DJ Spinoza kämpft nicht mit dem Begriffon)

DJ Spinoza Does Not Fight the Begriffon

Said DJ Spinoza to his friend MC Squared:

Let us go slay the Begriffon!
  Frightful is the Begriffon and sharp are his claws,
  He disobeys rules and cares nothing for laws,
  He is full of effects but do they have a cause?
  Let us go slay the Begriffon!

Said MC Squared to his friend DJ Spinoza:

  Why should we add to the misery of the world?
  Even the wicked have feelings!
  They shout and they quarrel
  Cause they’re anal and oral,
  Problems make them immoral—
  They’re wicked because they have feelings!

DJ Spinoza:

  Well, what do you want to do then?
  Do you want to watch TV? No!
  Do you want to play cards? No!
  Do you want to go get a beer? “I’m sick of beer, it’s so fattening!”
  Let us go slay the Begriffon!

MC Squared:

  Are you always so restless because you’re reckless
  Or are you so reckless because you are restless?
  Can’t you even for a moment
  Think of how it’ll make you feel in the morning?
  Tell me you won’t be a) whining; b) kvetching; c) moaning!
  And besides—even the wicked have feelings!

So the two friends went off to slay the Begriffon. But when they were halfway to the House of Mostly Unlike, DJ Spinoza realized he forgot his sword at home—and you can’t slay the Begriffon with no sword! They had to return for the sword but by the time they did, it was already too late to do anything. They put slaying the Begriffon off for tomorrow and went to sleep extremely content with themselves.

Translations:

Language: italian

DJ Spinoza non combatte il Begriffo

Disse DJ SPINOZA al suo amico MC QUADRO:

Andiamo a ammazzare il Begriffo!
Spaventoso è il Begriffo, e affilati ha gli artigli,
Non rispetta i costumi ed infrange la legge,
È pieno di effetti ma con che ragione?
Andiamo a ammazzare il Begriffo!

MC QUADRO rispose all’ amico DJ SPINOZA:

A che scopo aumentare le miserie del mondo?
Anche i malvagi provano emozioni!
Gridano e litigano
In quanto anali e orali,
Sono i problemi a renderli immorali--
Sono malvagi in quanto provano emozioni!

DJ SPINOZA:

Va bene, ma allora che vuoi fare?
Vuoi guardare la TV? No!
Vuoi giocare a carte? No!
Vuoi andare a prendere una birra? "Basta con la birra, fa ingrassare!"
Andiamo a ammazzare il Begriffo!

MC QUADRO:

Ma tu sei sempre tanto agitato perchè sei dissennato
Oppure sei tanto dissennato perchè sei agitato?
Non riesci a pensare un momento
A come ti farà sentire il giorno dopo?
Dimmi che non starai a) piangendo b) frignando c) gemendo
E a parte tutto--anche i malvagi provano emozioni!

Così i due amici si misero in marcia per ammazzare il Begriffo. Ma quando giunsero a metà strada dalla Casa del Perlopiù Altro, DJ Spinoza si rese conto di aver scordato a casa la spada--e non si può ammazzare il Begriffo senza spada! Dovettero tornare a prenderla, ma finchè arrivarono era già troppo tardi per ricominciare. Rimandarono l’uccisione del Begriffo al giorno dopo e se ne andarono a letto tutti contenti.

Language: german

DJ Spinoza kämpft nicht mit dem Begriffon

Sagte DJ SPINOZA zu seinem Freund MC QUADRAT:

  Laß uns den Begriffon erschlagen!
  Schrecklich ist der Begriffon, seine Krallen sind spitz,
  Er bricht alle Regeln, schert sich nicht ums Gesetz,
  Er hat voll die Wirkung, an Ursachen gebrichts –
  Laß uns den Begriffon erschlagen!

Sagte MC QUADRAT zu seinem Freund DJ SPINOZA:

  Warum sollen wir das Elend der Welt noch vermehren?
  Auch die Bösen haben Gefühle!
  Morgens sind sie Kontrollfreaks, abends Krakeeler,
  Dazwischen Störenfriede und Erbsenzähler,
  Wenn sie Probleme haben, werden sie Kinderquäler –
  Sie sind böse, weil sie Gefühle haben!

DJ SPINOZA:

  Okay, aber was willst sonst machen?
  Willst du Fernsehn sehn? Nein!
  Willst du Karten spielen? Nein!
  Willst du Bier trinken gehn? „Ich will kein Bier mehr, das macht dick!“
  Laß uns den Begriffon erschlagen!

MC QUADRAT:

  Bis du eigentlich so rastlos, weil du taktlos,
  Oder bist du so taktlos, weil du rastlos bist?
  Kannst du nicht mal eine Sekunde
  Ausrechnen, wie’s dir am nächsten Morgen geht?
  Sag mir, daß du nicht a) winselst b) flennst c) stöhnst!
  Und überhaupt – auch die Bösen haben Gefühle!

Die beiden gingen den Begriffon erschlagen. Als sie halbem Wege am Haus der wahrscheinlichen Ungleichheit waren, merkte DJ Spinoza, daß er sein Schwert vergessen hatte – aber den Begriffon kannst du nicht ohne Schwert erschlagen! Sie mußten umkehren, das Schwert holen, aber dann war es viel zu spät, um irgendwas zu machen. Sie verschoben das Erschlagen auf den nächsten Morgen und gingen vollauf mit sich zufrieden schlafen.

Eugene Ostashevsky

* 09.09.1968, Leningrad, USSR, Russia
lives in: New York, USA, United States

Eugene Ostashevsky, born in 1968 in Leningrad, USSR, immigrated with his family to New York in 1979. Lives in New York but makes long sojourns in Europe. Writes in American English destabilized by puns, sound play, and macaronicism. His second book of poetry, The Life and Opinions of DJ Spinoza, published by Ugly Duckling Presse in Brooklyn, examines the defects of natural and artificial languages; the critic Marjorie Perloff describes it as “zany, profound, hilarious, imaginative, and technically brilliant.” In Germany, his chapbook Enter Morris Imposternak, Pursued by Ironies was translated by Uljana Wolf as Auf tritt Morris Imposternak, verfolgt von Ironien for SuKuLTuR. As translator and scholar, Ostashevsky specializes in OBERIU, the 1920s-30s Leningrad avant-garde group led by Alexander Vvedensky and Daniil Kharms. He teaches in the Liberal Studies Program of New York University but was a DAAD Artists-in-Berlin fellow in 2013, when these poems were recorded.

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