Umar Bin Hassan
MALCOLM...
MALCOLM...
Midwestern images threatening the horizon. Hold back the pain. Hold back: the rejection. I can... No you can't! I can! You can't. You're not supposed to. I will! Going against the grain. Against all reason. Becoming an outlaw very very young. Enjoying the status. The strength is the family. My mother's tears become my beginning and my father's end. Brothers and sisters become the inspiration for the poem by any means necessary. We will survive! I will keep the name high. They will respect my mother. They will remember my father. I have the flag! I have the flag! It did not touch the ground. Learning the game. Loving the game. Obsessed by the game. And then Harlem. Harlem, the only game. Neon lights reflecting the beauty of deep dark chocolate faces, pretty red bone legs and tight behinds. Very African and intimate suggestive glances and invitations. Sumptuous lips full... of the reality for every man's dream. Too much sensitivity for one highly sensitive man to bare. Loving the game. Learning the game. Obsessed by the game. And then Harlem. Harlem, the only game. Trying to be taught what you already know. Where you niggers been? Y'all want game? Come to Red... and lets play! Play... Lady Day. Play these streets like I vas born in the middle of them. Play Miles. Play these women so hard so cold only to lose myself. Play Bird. Play with death like waking up so easy the next morning. Game over. Who won? Ooooh, what is this? Cocaine. White girls. Cocaine. Whitegirls. Cocaine. There I go... There I go... There I go... Harlem! I love it so much I hate it. It scares me. It fascinates me. It enslaves us! In jail. Always in jail. Letters to my insanity. Memoirs so intelligent, so brilliant, so deranged. I think I'm sick. I think I should get well. I think I should change. So hard to stop the game. Revelations in the darkness of the pit. Who are you? Who are you? The little lamb knows. My saviour. He tried. He believed. He was only human. I love you Elijah Muhammad. I forgive the envy. I forgive the jealousy. I forgive myself for believing in someone other than just Allah. They took my vision. But I still have my soul. I've always had Betty. Transcending what it means to be man and woman. My joy was her smile. Her smile was my strength. In the worst of times she was that small little opening to the way out. She was that push forward to truth. She knows. She always knew. One pride and joy after the other. Yes! He was my man. Yes… I loved him! These are the answers to all of the questions of what he meant to me. Amilah. Illyasah. Qubilah and Attilah my partner in crime. Smile like your daddy girl. Think like your daddy girl. Be strong like your daddy girl. Death is coming. It will come in Harlem. Where else? They want to humiliate me. To turn me into a joke. In front of family. In front of friends. In front of my true love. My one and only true love. My people. Forgive me Betty. Please forgive me. Dying in the sad memory of brothers eye to eye. Nose to nose. I respect you. You respect me. Lets go hunting brothers. Lets go hunting. WARRIOR... who remembers that word, I do. I saw it smile at me in the face of death. Bullets... Bullets… Becoming part of me. Where is the pain? I love you brother. Self-hatred wrapped up in a twisted, demented but well controlled smile. Where is the pain? I love you brother. All I have ever been was for all of you. Where is the pain? I love you brother, I have always loved you, I know that tune. I grew up with that tune. I love my people. I love my people. If they could just learn how to love themselves. They will respect my mother. They will remember my father. I have the flag! I have the flag! It did not touch the ground.
